I hear a tan skin griping in the corner the next morning, I edge closer to him to take in his misery. He offers me a job to take some papers to some place called Solitude and I agree because now I have a place to go and I get money so I guess it is a win. I pick up some supplies from the Inn keeper and she mentions a Magic College in Winterhold (Or was is Wintercold? That sounds awfully redundant so it wouldn’t be surprising being in a place with so many pink skins) which is fairly close to Windhelm. I set off at the crack of dawn and decide I need to ease my legs this time and hop on a horse, some guy starts yelling about a thief as I ride off and some chap shoots an arrow past me trying to hit the thief back there I suppose.
I used to have a horse just like you. Then I ate her.
I ride for a few hours with almost no interruptions other than a full scale war happening on the roads between some tunic wearing fellows and some more of those gaudily dressed blue clad chaps. I ride on past not wanting to interrupt their killing or help either side. After a time I arrive at a dirty looking building in the mountains and decide to stop here for a short rest. My horse starts trying to walk back to Windhelm so I am left with no choice but to put the old girl down. It is heart breaking as I had just named her My Lady of the Northern Sky Sparkles. I try and fail to raise her as a zombie and turn to enter the Inn, before I reach the door though a fellow runs up and hands me a letter and I tune the rest of what he says out.
I walk in and warm up by the fire for a bit and talk at a local patron about our lord and savior Sithis and his prophet, Me! He doesn’t see interested and I desire to frost his face away but I can’t with the owner of the inn staring at me so I leave in a mood most foul. I immediately regret killing my horse because now I have to walk like a lowly Khajit. I trudge along for hours and find a few buddies to bring along when suddenly a blizzard rolls in and the temperature plummets. After only a few minutes I am freezing and feel faint, I see an old ruin and begin sprinting towards it. I find a small ice cave attached to it and duck in to get out of the wind. I am still freezing cold but the wind is gone and I don’t seem to be loosing any more heat (Damn this reptilian blood, I can’t stay warm for anything. NO! Don’t damn it Froze! You are the greatest thing in the world because of your reptilian blood! Aww thanks me, I needed that. No problem me, now go kick some ass or something.)
I pull out my torch and start searching around the cave for anything that might warm me up. I find some old books and journals but nothing useful. Before long I stumble across what I can only assume is a murder scene, mostly because there is blood literally everywhere. I follow the trail for blood for a bit then decide not to press my luck, being this cold I am really weak. I head back to the mouth of the cave and decide I have no choice, I must sacrifice style for survival and wear not so spiffy clothes until I reach a warm place. I pull out some fur clothes I took off of some chaps a few days ago and slip them on and ram a fur hat down on my horns. I take a deep breath and begin running out into the cold trying to make it to civilization or a fire.
So lovely, i think i shall make this my summer home.
I trudge through the snow in the blinding white blizzard for hours, every step excruciating, every breath sets my lungs aflame. I see a giant on a hill thrashing about at an invisible foe and wish I could laugh at him currently but I am to cold for humor. I carry on through a mountain pass and find my self standing on an ice sheet overlooking a valley. I see a structure far off and decide that is my best bet and begin moving towards it. The stress of the day and the cold is starting to get to me so I pull out my Skooma pipe and smoke one of the rocks I have on me. After an hour of walking I am almost there when a giant sword tooth cat of doom pounces on me. I freak out and run while my zombies assault it, I hear it crunching on their old dead bones as I run and I a blood chilling scream from a way behind me and realize it is proclaiming its victory (For now you win giant doom cat of the frozen hell that is Skyrim, but I will be back and I will wear you and a fancy coat! Yeah, you can do it Froze. Remember anything is possible as long as you kill enough things! Thanks again me, I am really glad you are here).
No pic of the cat so here is a giant, he was crushing ninja i think, see as there were no enemies for him to fight
I arrive at the structure, or near it at least. I am in Winterhold, I succeeded, just as I have with all other things I have set out to do! (Except for killing that dragon, and that other dragon. Aww don’t beat your self up kid, we all make mistakes. The best thing to do with them is hold onto them forever and never forget the faces of your mistakes then someday return and violently freeze their brains out!). I head into the Inn and warm up by the fire, as I do I come down from the Skooma high and I feel miserable. I am jittery and weak and all I can think about at the time is getting more Skooma in me. I rent a room and sleep the cravings out as best I can. I know I am addicted to the stuff now, just like ma and pa always warned me I would be if I did it but I will overcome this! I am Froze-His-Heart, the greatest being on the planet! Nothing shall stop me, except for dragons!
I arise at just past noon the next day and groan, my eyes are burning and I can still feel the craving for Skooma, I know I won’t be able to fight it long but I will for now because I want to get into that college and get me some learning!
I saunter up to the sassy looking tall long ear at the gateway to the college and she assigns me a simple magic test which I pass with ease. She then asks me “What is it you expect to find within Argonian?”
I say “Oh I don’t know, maybe some magic, a book or two and perhaps the knowledge of how to make large death spiders appear?”
She responds flatly with no hint of sarcasm “Oh yes, is plenty of all of those things in here. Head on up to Mirabell and enroll please.”
I am slightly confused by her response to my witty and sarcastic remake but my face doesn’t show it because it has only two states, blank and angry. I sally forth and decide to put off enrollment for a bit and look for a Necromancer. After an hour searching the facility I find on and he teaches me a few new magic tricks. One is how to make bigger badder meat bags and the other is how to make large death spiders out of bad luck or something. (Well now I know why she wasn’t sarcastic to me). I wander about the college for a few more hours before going and listening to some fella called Tolf-da-ear.
His lecture is rather boring and his demonstration sets me on fire a little. So far this seems like pretty normal college teaching, I expected more out of a Magic College! I march out of the class room after the lesson and flop down on the bed they gave me and say “Man, this is terrible. I came all this way, fought off doom cats, ran from dragons, killed a lot of people, made more zombies than I killed and got set on fire.”
Wards and restor…zzz huh? wha?
(No, you also learned a lot didn’t you? Like how cold this place is and that style isn’t always important?)
“I suppose you are right Me. By the way, it is kind of strange calling you Me and you calling Me, Me. So how about you come up with a name?”
(Very well, I shall now be Dujeewa)
“Splendid, so Dujeewa I do not wish to be rude but I am quite tired so I think we should turn int for the evening and in the morning have our selves a nice draw on the old Skooma pipe, What say you?”
(I couldn’t disagree if I wanted to. Well I think I will go hang out with your childhood memories, good night Me)
“Good night, Dujeewa”
And with that I turn in and drift into blissful slumber.
I awoke in a cabin, with a pink skin female looking at me from her perch atop a bookcase. I got up and she said somethings I wasn’t paying attention much until she said “Something… something… Dark Brotherhood… Kill one of those people over there and you can join.”
No this isn’t creepy or anything
I spun around and saw three bound and blindfolded people on their knees begging for mercy. I killed the Khajit first because… Damn cats! Then I killed the tan skin and the pink skin with frosty doom. I made them zombie slaves and went to the pink skin to join the Dark Brotherhood. She applauded my genius idea to kill all the things I can. She showed me on my map where to go and told me how to get in the front door. I thanked her filled with glee and stepped outside the cabin. It was cold and the sun was dipping under the mountains. I saw a smoke trail and figured it was a city and began walking towards it. I found out I was at Morthal and though I did want to carry on I stopped to soak up some of the local misery.
A cold swamp, Skyrim can suck my scaly tail!
Day 12 (An unfortunate day)
Bad day, bad day, bad day!
We broke from Morthal early and I tried to make my way east but things kept attacking me so I turned around and went west from the swampy cesspool of Morthal. I spotted a dragon and hid for an our before it left. I felt weak and pathetic after that and had to take out some rage on innocent people. I came to a bridge and saw a massive battle happening on the other side of it. Perfect I thought and Dujeewa agreed with me. I began hurling ice like there was no tomorrow. This backfired a bit and I was nearly killed by some Breton Bitch or was it a Witch? Bah. I ran and lived that is all that matters. My now depleted crew of one and I carried on for hours until we arrived at a place called Roriks Head I think. We stayed the night and left early in the morning (I have to get to the sanctuary) and Dujeewa said Yes, the sanctuary. Maybe we could do some killing along the way though? Of course my dear Dujeewa, of course.
Ooh! Aah! Lightnig and OW!
I was accosted by some blokes in smelled uncured deer hides, I tried to kill them but they butchered my allies and nearly got me. I ran and ran for an hour until I heard a thunderous screech burst from above me. I stopped and looked up and a dragon was swooping over head. It looked down and said something I didn’t understand before I began its attack.
Rabble Rabble Coil and Rubble
I ran for a ways and when I could I took shots at the beast. After twenty minutes of this it seemed to be weakening and my heart started to pound. (I have the beast!)
Run Dragon RUN! or Fly, whatever.
(Your soul will be MINE!)I start hurling ice with greater fury until it began to flee me, flying up a mountain. (Oh no you don’t!). I run behind it chasing the beast upwards. It lands on the peak and I begin my assault once more. Finally it dies and I stepp out from my cover to claim my prize.
DRAGON! SOUL! YUM!
Then a Great Troll stepped out and attacked me. I tried to Fus it but that failed miserably and it clobbered my brains out. I am now dead, this world is doomed to a fate not much worse than I would have given it and this story is over. Now I return to the Hist to be reincarnated, maybe the new me will be better. Perhaps stronger, faster and smarter but I doubt it.
I hope you choke on my Horns you damned dirty ape-thing
Thank you all for reading, I am sorry it ended so fast. I didn’t see that Troll coming and i thought i could escape but no. I will have a New Blog up within a week of this post so keep an eye on me if you are interested. Something more in the Elder Strolls Style that I have come to love reading so much. All around the new one will be better i think. Stay tuned for the Series Premier of Vistha-Sei: Imperial Scribe, Scholar, Historian and Mage Junior Rank. Also Thanks Pyrelle and kitdoctor for your support of this endeavor.