The Plan: Time to Live… er, Unlive Another Life

Well, i have decided what i am going to do. My last idea failed the mod i was going to attempt to use wouldn’t work. So i am going to start this story over as a pure Fanfic (Been reading a lot of those here lately) I feel like I can do a lot more with it that way. No screenshots, no worrying about dying. In it Froze will still be the quirk… ok homicidal insane psychopath that I and hope fully you loved. I will be starting over and making the story better, who knows were it will lead. I will post the link as soon as i put up the first page, probably in a few days. Only debate I am having is wether or not to do it is a Journal Entry (Dates and reflections on the day) or as a first person story from the perspective of the Ever Loyal Rolf who will survive longer than 5 paragraphs this time (Mostly done in moans and groans and gurggling sound effects) or like the original story was just from Froze’s point of view as he travels the land spreading his corruption and icy doom to all he meets.

May Sithis take you all! Yoga!

 

Update: Ignore the above i decided, the Preface is up. Yay for snap decision!

 

http://frozehisheartfanfic.wordpress.com/ <—————— That is a link, Sithis be praised.

 

YOGA!

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News. Of Possible News. (Also maybe some news)

Hi, Froze here. Coming to you live from the Void. I know what you are thinking. Why are you contacting us? Who are you? Didn’t a troll bash your tiny little foolish brain in? 1, Because i can, I’m a Necromancer. It isn’t that odd. 2, I am offended by this. How could you forget me? and 3, Yes, that dirty frost ape smashed my tiny foolish brain in. But i contact you now for one reason. I feel a tugging sensation, like someone pulling on my arm. I hear a voice, beckoning. I think a Necromancer may be calling me to serve him, i am not sure but if one is. I shall be returning to the Mortal Coil. Fleshed, maybe and ready to betray that fool in an instant. The spell may fail and i could be just getting my and possibly your hopes up for a continuation of my epic tale of slaughter and mayhem. But maybe just maybe i shall return to wreak havoc once more upon the populace of Skyrim! Well, its time for my Yoga class, I’m the teacher. No students, can’t seem to find anyone to join me here. Ok well, bye guys. Thanks for listening. YOGA TIME!

Just a Little After Thought (And a little bit of other things)

Hi, this is Froze-His-Heart. As you well know I am dead, being dead is rather boring. I miss the living world, the pain and suffering. The fear and loathing, it was all just a part of life. If I could go back and reclaim my body i would in a slow, cold heartbeat. If there are any experience necromancers out there looking for a terrible, traitorous assistant to do your bidding for a few hours, please, please summon my spirit. Also if any of my minions are still wandering about out there could someone feed them. They must be starving by now and i would hate to think my meatbags are suffering. If all the above fails I simply wish that the big evil dragons kill you all and give me someone to “play” with. Good night to you all, may Sithis take you!

 

Now in non- Froze-His-Heart related new, my new blog to fill the void left by the tragic demise, Vistha-Sei: Imperial Scholar, Scribe and Historian. Link here (https://ascholarinskyrim.wordpress.com/2013/03/04/from-scholar-to-soldier/) I would like to thank you all who supported Froze and i wish you all better luck with your characters than i had, (AVOID MOUNTAIN TOPS!) (AND TROLLS) (AND TROLLS ON MOUNTAIN TOPS!)

Froze-His-Heart: One Necromage vs Skyrim: The Unfortunate Demise of the Greatest Being on Nirn (The Final Post)

Day: 9

I hear a tan skin griping in the corner the next morning, I edge closer to him to take in his misery. He offers me a job to take some papers to some place called Solitude and I agree because now I have a place to go and I get money so I guess it is a win. I pick up some supplies from the Inn keeper and she mentions a Magic College in Winterhold (Or was is Wintercold? That sounds awfully redundant so it wouldn’t be surprising being in a place with so many pink skins) which is fairly close to Windhelm. I set off at the crack of dawn and decide I need to ease my legs this time and hop on a horse, some guy starts yelling about a thief as I ride off and some chap shoots an arrow past me trying to hit the thief back there I suppose.

I used to have a horse just like you. Then I ate her.

I used to have a horse just like you. Then I ate her.

I ride for a few hours with almost no interruptions other than a full scale war happening on the roads between some tunic wearing fellows and some more of those gaudily dressed blue clad chaps. I ride on past not wanting to interrupt their killing or help either side. After a time I arrive at a dirty looking building in the mountains and decide to stop here for a short rest. My horse starts trying to walk back to Windhelm so I am left with no choice but to put the old girl down. It is heart breaking as I had just named her My Lady of the Northern Sky Sparkles. I try and fail to raise her as a zombie and turn to enter the Inn, before I reach the door though a fellow runs up and hands me a letter and I tune the rest of what he says out.

I walk in and warm up by the fire for a bit and talk at a local patron about our lord and savior Sithis and his prophet, Me! He doesn’t see interested and I desire to frost his face away but I can’t with the owner of the inn staring at me so I leave in a mood most foul. I immediately regret killing my horse because now I have to walk like a lowly Khajit. I trudge along for hours and find a few buddies to bring along when suddenly a blizzard rolls in and the temperature plummets. After only a few minutes I am freezing and feel faint, I see an old ruin and begin sprinting towards it. I find a small ice cave attached to it and duck in to get out of the wind. I am still freezing cold but the wind is gone and I don’t seem to be loosing any more heat (Damn this reptilian blood, I can’t stay warm for anything. NO! Don’t damn it Froze! You are the greatest thing in the world because of your reptilian blood! Aww thanks me, I needed that. No problem me, now go kick some ass or something.)

I pull out my torch and start searching around the cave for anything that might warm me up. I find some old books and journals but nothing useful. Before long I stumble across what I can only assume is a murder scene, mostly because there is blood literally everywhere. I follow the trail for blood for a bit then decide not to press my luck, being this cold I am really weak. I head back to the mouth of the cave and decide I have no choice, I must sacrifice style for survival and wear not so spiffy clothes until I reach a warm place. I pull out some fur clothes I took off of some chaps a few days ago and slip them on and ram a fur hat down on my horns. I take a deep breath and begin running out into the cold trying to make it to civilization or a fire.

So lovely, i think i shall make this my summer home.

So lovely, i think i shall make this my summer home.

I trudge through the snow in the blinding white blizzard for hours, every step excruciating, every breath sets my lungs aflame. I see a giant on a hill thrashing about at an invisible foe and wish I could laugh at him currently but I am to cold for humor. I carry on through a mountain pass and find my self standing on an ice sheet overlooking a valley. I see a structure far off and decide that is my best bet and begin moving towards it. The stress of the day and the cold is starting to get to me so I pull out my Skooma pipe and smoke one of the rocks I have on me. After an hour of walking I am almost there when a giant sword tooth cat of doom pounces on me. I freak out and run while my zombies assault it, I hear it crunching on their old dead bones as I run and I a blood chilling scream from a way behind me and realize it is proclaiming its victory (For now you win giant doom cat of the frozen hell that is Skyrim, but I will be back and I will wear you and a fancy coat! Yeah, you can do it Froze. Remember anything is possible as long as you kill enough things! Thanks again me, I am really glad you are here).

No pic of the cat so here is a giant, he was crushing ninja i think, see as there were no enemies for him to fight

No pic of the cat so here is a giant, he was crushing ninja i think, see as there were no enemies for him to fight

I arrive at the structure, or near it at least. I am in Winterhold, I succeeded, just as I have with all other things I have set out to do! (Except for killing that dragon, and that other dragon. Aww don’t beat your self up kid, we all make mistakes. The best thing to do with them is hold onto them forever and never forget the faces of your mistakes then someday return and violently freeze their brains out!). I head into the Inn and warm up by the fire, as I do I come down from the Skooma high and I feel miserable. I am jittery and weak and all I can think about at the time is getting more Skooma in me. I rent a room and sleep the cravings out as best I can. I know I am addicted to the stuff now, just like ma and pa always warned me I would be if I did it but I will overcome this! I am Froze-His-Heart, the greatest being on the planet! Nothing shall stop me, except for dragons!

Day 10:

I arise at just past noon the next day and groan, my eyes are burning and I can still feel the craving for Skooma, I know I won’t be able to fight it long but I will for now because I want to get into that college and get me some learning!

I saunter up to the sassy looking tall long ear at the gateway to the college and she assigns me a simple magic test which I pass with ease. She then asks me “What is it you expect to find within Argonian?”

I say “Oh I don’t know, maybe some magic, a book or two and perhaps the knowledge of how to make large death spiders appear?”

She responds flatly with no hint of sarcasm “Oh yes, is plenty of all of those things in here. Head on up to Mirabell and enroll please.”

I am slightly confused by her response to my witty and sarcastic remake but my face doesn’t show it because it has only two states, blank and angry. I sally forth and decide to put off enrollment for a bit and look for a Necromancer. After an hour searching the facility I find on and he teaches me a few new magic tricks. One is how to make bigger badder meat bags and the other is how to make large death spiders out of bad luck or something. (Well now I know why she wasn’t sarcastic to me). I wander about the college for a few more hours before going and listening to some fella called Tolf-da-ear.

His lecture is rather boring and his demonstration sets me on fire a little. So far this seems like pretty normal college teaching, I expected more out of a Magic College! I march out of the class room after the lesson and flop down on the bed they gave me and say “Man, this is terrible. I came all this way, fought off doom cats, ran from dragons, killed a lot of people, made more zombies than I killed and got set on fire.”

Wards and restor...zzz huh? wha?

Wards and restor…zzz huh? wha?

(No, you also learned a lot didn’t you? Like how cold this place is and that style isn’t always important?)

“I suppose you are right Me. By the way, it is kind of strange calling you Me and you calling Me, Me. So how about you come up with a name?”

(Very well, I shall now be Dujeewa)

Splendid, so Dujeewa I do not wish to be rude but I am quite tired so I think we should turn int for the evening and in the morning have our selves a nice draw on the old Skooma pipe, What say you?”

(I couldn’t disagree if I wanted to. Well I think I will go hang out with your childhood memories, good night Me)

“Good night, Dujeewa”

And with that I turn in and drift into blissful slumber.

Day 11

I awoke in a cabin, with a pink skin female looking at me from her perch atop a bookcase. I got up and she said somethings I wasn’t paying attention much until she said “Something… something… Dark Brotherhood… Kill one of those people over there and you can join.”

No this isn't creepy or anything

No this isn’t creepy or anything

I spun around and saw three bound and blindfolded people on their knees begging for mercy. I killed the Khajit first because… Damn cats! Then I killed the tan skin and the pink skin with frosty doom. I made them zombie slaves and went to the pink skin to join the Dark Brotherhood. She applauded my genius idea to kill all the things I can. She showed me on my map where to go and told me how to get in the front door. I thanked her filled with glee and stepped outside the cabin. It was cold and the sun was dipping under the mountains. I saw a smoke trail and figured it was a city and began walking towards it. I found out I was at Morthal and though I did want to carry on I stopped to soak up some of the local misery.

A cold swamp, Skyrim can suck my scaly tail!

A cold swamp, Skyrim can suck my scaly tail!

Day 12 (An unfortunate day)

Bad day, bad day, bad day!

Bad day, bad day, bad day!

We broke from Morthal early and I tried to make my way east but things kept attacking me so I turned around and went west from the swampy cesspool of Morthal. I spotted a dragon and hid for an our before it left. I felt weak and pathetic after that and had to take out some rage on innocent people. I came to a bridge and saw a massive battle happening on the other side of it. Perfect I thought and Dujeewa agreed with me. I began hurling ice like there was no tomorrow. This backfired a bit and I was nearly killed by some Breton Bitch or was it a Witch? Bah. I ran and lived that is all that matters. My now depleted crew of one and I carried on for hours until we arrived at a place called Roriks Head I think. We stayed the night and left early in the morning (I have to get to the sanctuary) and Dujeewa said Yes, the sanctuary. Maybe we could do some killing along the way though? Of course my dear Dujeewa, of course.

Ooh! Aah! Lightnig and OW!

Ooh! Aah! Lightnig and OW!

I was accosted by some blokes in smelled uncured deer hides, I tried to kill them but they butchered my allies and nearly got me. I ran and ran for an hour until I heard a thunderous screech burst from above me. I stopped and looked up and a dragon was swooping over head. It looked down and said something I didn’t understand before I began its attack.

Rabble Rabble Toil and Dabble!

Rabble Rabble Coil and Rubble

I ran for a ways and when I could I took shots at the beast. After twenty minutes of this it seemed to be weakening and my heart started to pound. (I have the beast!)

Run Dragon RUN! or Fly, whatever.

Run Dragon RUN! or Fly, whatever.

(Your soul will be MINE!)I start hurling ice with greater fury until it began to flee me, flying up a mountain. (Oh no you don’t!). I run behind it chasing the beast upwards. It lands on the peak and I begin my assault once more. Finally it dies and I stepp out from my cover to claim my prize.

DRAGON! SOUL! YUM!

DRAGON! SOUL! YUM!

Then a Great Troll stepped out and attacked me. I tried to Fus it but that failed miserably and it clobbered my brains out. I am now dead, this world is doomed to a fate not much worse than I would have given it and this story is over. Now I return to the Hist to be reincarnated, maybe the new me will be better. Perhaps stronger, faster and smarter but I doubt it.

The end of all things has begun. Maybe the troll will choke on me and die. That would be nice.

I hope you choke on my Horns you damned dirty ape-thing

Thank you all for reading, I am sorry it ended so fast. I didn’t see that Troll coming and i thought i could escape but no. I will have a New Blog up within a week of this post so keep an eye on me if you are interested. Something more in the Elder Strolls Style that I have come to love reading so much. All around the new one will be better i think. Stay tuned for the Series Premier of Vistha-Sei: Imperial Scribe, Scholar, Historian and Mage Junior Rank. Also Thanks Pyrelle and kitdoctor for your support of this endeavor.

Froze-His-Heart: One Necromage vs Skyrim: The Quest for Murder (With 100% More Skooma!)

Day 7:

I set off, the morning sun just cracking over the distant mountains, a birdsong fills the air, it is crisp and comfortable out today. I hate it. The people are cheery over my recent dragon soul eating and I hate it. As I step out of the city and get to the stables I notice a Khajit caravan and remember they all sell something called Skooma. I walk up and say “Cat, how much for Skooma!”

Its eyes widen then narrow and it says “This Khajit knows not of Skooma my friend, perhaps you would care for some legal wares?”

“No, I want Skooma and all you cats use it and sell it so, how much?” I say loudly

“Bah, you are a fool lizard. Go talk to Ri’saad, he sits by the big tent. He will help you but keep your voice down. The guards do not like us already and we don’t want to make it worse here.” he whispers

“Very well, thank you Skooma dealing cat!” I say louder than before.

Look at that face, how could you not want to violate it with ice?

Look at that face, how could you not want to violate it with ice?

I walk down to the Skooma dealing cat called Ri’sad or something and purchase a bottle of the Skooma. The cat says something about warm sands I think as I wander off to take the Skooma. I find a nice tree to hide behind and pull out the little crystal and look at it wondering what to do with it then I decide to go back to the Cat and ask him how to use it. He says I have to smoke it with a pipe of some sort and sells me one for fifty Septims. I wander back up the hill to my spot and drop it in and begin puffing on the Skooma. The effects are almost immediate I feel lively, fast and mighty. I begin running at a full sprint down the road not bothering to check where I am going. I run and run over hills and through woods across streams and through a really big battlefield. Before I can make it more than an hour down the road some chap in some nice black and red armor charges at me and try to murder me. My minions dispatch him quickly and I loot his corpse quickly and carry on. After four hours the effects wear off and I slow down. I feel a little drained but otherwise fantastic (I think I might have to do that again next chance I get)

Today you made a series of very bad decisions. Thank you!

Today you made a series of very bad decisions. Thank you!

With the high worn off I walk on and check a road sign at a cross road and see Windhelm on one of the posts and being walking that way. I come across a small mill and am accosted by a bloke in some fun clothing who says I am not a great and mighty wizard. (You will suffer for that). He challenges me to a duel and I accept, my minions charge in and begin wailing away at him and he starts shouting at me saying I am cheating because it was a one on one fight (The words of a true loser, ha! I am the greatest wizard ever because I am winning aren’t I?) He dies after a short tussle and destroys two of my minions, as punishment for his hubris I make him my new undead best buddy (UBB if you will) and we carry on past the mill.

Never challenge a lizard to a "Duel" we always carry extra zombies.

Never challenge a lizard to a “Duel” we always carry extra zombies.

Not far past the mill I come across a large toothy cat and I command my minions to attack. Nothing happens, I turn around and they are nowhere to be found. I panic and begin running back towards the mill hoping they will pop up. Two of them finally come sauntering up and start smacking at the cat but it shreds them instantly. I stop and try to frost blast it but with my soul so spread out I can not channel much of my power. I run again as another of my minions runs up and hits the cat. I stop to catch my breath as the cat ruins another of my minions. It charges me again and I hit it with all the frost I have left. It takes a giant swipe at me and I feel closer to death than I ever have before. Then thankfully I feel the swelling power within me and my soul enlarge again, this time though I gain knowledge of how to make more icy mist with both of my hands instead of just with one. I begin to blast the cat with everything I have, it is not enough. It takes another giant swipe out of me and I am forced to run again. I quaff all of my healing potions in my mad dash away and drink half of my magicka potions and turn to face the beast once more. I blast it double handed style and it finally goes down (Suck on that everyone who said I would die at the hands of a cat!) I take what I can off of it and then decide that as repayment for all of the damage it has done me and my crew it shall become a new minion. I raise it and dub it Chester F. Waulberk.

D'aw! Isn't the terrifying bastard adorable with his giant fangs of endless murderous misery?

D’aw! Isn’t the terrifying bastard adorable with his giant fangs of endless murderous misery?

My depleted crew and I carry on to Windhelm with little inccident, and arrive before the sun has set. I decide to burn the rest of the daylight hours looking for the little scamp that wants to pay me to kill someone. I quickly discover his location from a local gray skin long ear and thank it by not killing it today. I bust into the boys home and catch him in the middle of a rather lovely looking ritual. He looks up at me with wide joyful eyes and I have to hold back my bile at its happiness. It says “I knew you would come! I did the black sacrament over and over and now you can kill Grelod the Kind!”

This place looks grim, dark and really racist towards grey skins. Sweet.

This place looks grim, dark and really racist towards grey skins. Sweet.

“Yes, kill Grelod the Kind. Where is she brat?” I hiss.

“She is in Honorhall Orphanage, in Riften. She is a mean, cruel woman and we all hate her!”

(Uh oh, she makes people miserable, that means killing her will be a good thing for the brats there. Can I do this now? I don’t know, I will get payed to do it and I might get to scar some kids for life and make them grow up to be killers. But at the cost of doing a good deed. I think I can do this, as long as the pay is right) “Ok brat, how much are you paying?”

He pauses for a second then says “I have a family heirloom, the people down at the market say it is worth a few hundred Septims, no less than two hundred.”

Sweet mother, sweet mother, send a lizard unto me, for the zombies of Skyrim need a master!

Sweet mother, sweet mother, send a lizard unto me, for the zombies of Skyrim need a master!

(Two hundred Septims for one good deed. I can do this, I just have to make sure it leaves a mark on the kids there) “Very well you precocious little scamp, I will take the job.” I say through gritted fangs.

“You will?! Oh thank you so much sir!” he says.

I leave hurriedly not wanting to be around that much joy and head to the local Inn, I purchase some food, drink and a room and bed down for the night. (I must get my beauty sleep if I am to be killing for hire soon, wouldn’t want the witnesses to see anything less than perfection).

Day 8:

I arise early the next morning and make for Riften, after an hour the sun is just over the mountain and I hear a blood chilling screech from over a near by hill. I peek over to see a dragon circling a small mountain. I feel a rush of fear and excitement, part of me wants to rush in kill it and eat its soul the other part remembers how terrifying my only other encounter with one was. I ponder which path to take for a few minutes before my burning desire to consume its very soul drives me to my choice. I begin running in and start to spray it with frosty mist and my minions start to attack it as best they can. In no time it has slaughtered all of my UBBs and has locked its sights onto me. I panic and urinate on my self again as I run in fear. I have never felt so close to death before I can feel its burning breath upon my neck as I dive into the cover of a small rocky outcrop. I duck down and wait for hours for it to leave.

I suddenly feel warm, damnit! I have ruined another pair of under britches!

I suddenly feel warm, damnit! I have ruined another pair of under britches!

Finally it wanders off and I begin crawling from my hiding spot and begin limping down the road. I heal up quickly being a superior being such as a lizard and come across a nice fellow not much later of the same origins who wants to sell me some Skooma. I look around and notice I am alone here with the fellow and decide to just kill him because I am rather angry from not managing to kill the dragon I wanted to earlier and I freeze his scales of and loot his corpse of all of his Skooma, some pungent sugar and some liquid in a large purple jar. I try to raise the unfortunate bastard but I just can’t get him on his feet (I should probably give him a proper burial. HA! Like I have any respect for dead!) I decide to leave him there to rot and carry on. I make it a the rest of the way to Riften without incident puffing on a Skooma crystal the whole way really enjoying the trip for the last leg.

Want to buy some Skooma? Ok now let me ignore you and start mining this ore for the next three hours.

Want to buy some Skooma? Ok now let me ignore you and start mining this ore for the next three hours.

The guard stops me and demands a tax, I hiss at him and say “I kill people you know! Don’t mess with this lizard!”

He backs off and lets me in, I saunter on to the orphanage and ready my self for the deed that must be done. I pull forth my frosty mists of the frozen hells and waltz into the building and I hear the most delightful speech from the woman in charge Grelod the Kind is a true inspiration to me in her soul crushing delivery down to the total misery she instills in these children it saddens me that she must die now so that I can get paid. When she finishes her speech I walk up in front of all the children and freeze the old hags mammary glands off and the children rejoice, the initial sound sickens me but what they say afterward fills my partially dead heart with joy. They go on and on about how they want to grow up to join the dark brotherhood, and how they wonder what could be done with more killing. (The children are the future and it looks to be a fantastic one with this clutch). I decide I need a trophy of this day and raise Grelod as a minion and head out.

Huzza! For scarring children for life! Hopefully.

Huzza! For scarring children for life! Hopefully.

I leave Riften with a great smile upon my face and my heart slightly warmed. I purchase a carriage back to Windhelm and really enjoy the scenic view all the way back to the frigid hell. I arrive after a few hours journey and receive my payment from the little scamp Aventus. He gives me a plate, not some shiny thing of great value just and damned plate. I hiss to him “This was not worth getting almost killed by a dragon, child. I shall spare you though because you gave me a chance to spread the truth of how great killing is to those children and that is payment enough isn’t it?”

This is my game face, also sorry i forgot to take a screen shot of my getting pissed at Aventus.

This is my game face, also sorry i forgot to take a screen shot of my getting pissed at Aventus.

He shies away and I leave his house hissing insults at him in Jel until I reach the Inn, I then sit down near the fire and warm by cold blood up and ponder what I shall do next now that I no longer have a goal.

Grelod dear? Could you be a lamb and fetch me a cup of tea? No? Ok then just stand about and moan please.

Grelod dear? Could you be a lamb and fetch me a cup of tea? No? Ok then just stand about and moan please.

Froze-His-Heart: One Necromage vs Skyrim: In The Service of Gold

Day: 5

Today has been a strange day. I awoke to find some angry tan chaps in fancy tunics yelling at me and tying my hands together behind my back. They knocked me out shortly after and I awoke while we rolled down a mountain with some blue clad chaps like the ones I had seen a few days ago bound next to me. Long story short they tried to cut my head off, a dragon showed up. I cried and ran around in circles. I followed the blue clad chap into a place, he killed everything. We escaped and I thanked him by not killing him or his family. I then followed him back to that miserable little place called Riverwood. His uncle said something about a Jarl in the place I was just at which I now know to be called Whiterun (Terrible). So now I prepare to sally forth to Whiterun again, (I am not being nice! I am getting paid!). I choke back my bile as I prepare for my short trek to the Hold.

I arrive quickly and charge on up to the Jarls palace hoping for a nice juicy reward. He hands me an ax. It looks valuble so I guess it is a reward, he then tells me to go talk to Farhamgarth his wizard who charges way to much for spells and talks about dragons constantly. He promised me a reward for doing what he wants so I will give it a shot I guess. Farham tells me I need to get a rock from a place, and that the place is filled with the undead. I see absolutely no way for this to ever go wrong so I agree. He says it is down by Riverwood (Sithisdamnit! I was just there!) I grumble as I leave to find the rock of dragons or something.

I arrive in Riverwood but it is raining heavily and though I don’t mind being wet I hate being cold so I decide to wait out the storm in the Inn, again. I listen to pink skin music man play his stringy box and caterwaul horribly about drinking to infants and being nostalgic or something. I finally get tired and step out to make a waiting friend. I find a rabbit and kill it, then bring it back and dub it Pellinal Timepassericus! Oh we joked and laughed for hours, I told him of the times I’ve spent in whore houses and the time I tricked an Imperial scholar into eating his own brothers face. He mostly just sat there and wiggled his nose like he wanted to leave but never did. Finally the rain let up and I froze his tiny little heart and began my trek to Bleak Galls Harrow (I think I will like this place!)

Fare thee well my old friend, may you find something in un-unlife.

Fare thee well my old friend, may you find something in un-unlife.

I begin my trek up the mountain and quickly make two new friends, their names are Ted the Womanly, and Julia the Bearded. They last about twenty seconds, some other bandits come charging in with zeal and smash my poor undead buddies into oblivion. I extract my revenge and turn them into zombies as punishment for touching my friends. My new allies and I bust into the Harrow (Or was it Barrow? Bah I am in and I don’t care for not Argonian names!) I angry blast a pink skin male and it starts beating on a pink skin female. The Female wins but is hurt, I run in and frost her face off then carry on. After a few minutes we discover a bandit hiding out in a circular room so I send my zombies in to smash him, he wreaks them hard and I have no choice but to ice him as well. I raise him as a new best buddy and we carry on past the simple puzzle door and kill a few giant doom rats (Why is everything in Skyrim so big and ugly!) After the encounter with the rats I have a thought then it vanishes and I realize I have the queer power growing in me again. This time it brings with it knowledge of how to make even more meat bags with my powers. (So strange it is that I would gain this knowledge without any study, perhaps I have been eating souls or I am remembering things that I never did? Bah who cares? I am the greatest Necromage alive! Awww now I am sad because I want to be un-alive). After a my sad fit ends I carry on with a bandit and two giant doom rat zombies in tow. I come across a dark skin long ear begging for help (This is not your lucky day old chap). I dispatch the mutant death spider and use some ice to free the wretch, then freeze his head until I hear his blood begin to crack his skull. I raise him up as my minion and carry on.

Forgot to take a screenshot of my minions here so here is Froze not knowing how to read.

Forgot to take a screenshot of my minions here so here is Froze not knowing how to read.

We fight some old dead pink skins, I like them and wish they would just let me give them the hugs I want to. They wont let me though, so I have no choice but to un-unlife them the re-unlife them. Again I feel the strange power swell within me and I feel my soul enlarge and I suddenly grasp how to make even more friends! I immediately raise all the dead pink skins in the room and have my self a veritable army of unwavering loyal pals! This day has been great!

The old chaps and I carry on through the ruins with no trouble they clear the path well enough and I freeze everything they miss. After nearly an of crawling this lovely place I spy a monolithic structure. I hear it singing to me, I see it glowing. I approach in a trance and suddenly a word is stamped unto my mind, I know the word, I feel it, then I hear a moan and a loud crack. I spin around and see a big old dead pink skin I don’t control getting out of his grave and he looks pissed. My minions begin hacking and slashing at him and I start freezing away but with so much of my power tied up in my minions I can not hold a steady steam of frost on the bastard. Finally he goes down after nearly killing me and beating the unlife out of half of my minions. I raise him as a new pet and manage to revive two of my un-un-undead minions. I grab the Rock of Dragons and the seven of us head out and begin the long trek back to Whiterun!

Day: 6

We emerge from the ruins at a cave before dawn and start a fast pace to Whiterun, it is boring to say the least. Not a damned thing bothers us and it has me peeved, I can not go this long without killing something! I rush to Farham and demand my reward, he says to check with the Jarl. I turn to go to the Jarl and then his dark skin long ear tells me to come with her to see the Jarl. (Perfect, this is the kind of treatment I deserve! Escorts to nobles and all the corpses I can raise!) The Jarl starts jibber jabbering about a dragon and then pays me for my fetch job. He then asks me to go kill the dragon and save his hold. This is a problem, on one hand I really want to kill a dragon because that is awesome. On the other hand, killing the dragon will save the hold which is…. good (Eyuck!) I am at a moral dilemma but I decide to kill the dragon then, when I want to I can come back and kill these people here. Its a win-win really! I charge out to meet the great beast head on with my zombie horde.

Damn, it is a bit bigger than i thought. Well time for me to cry in the corner for ten minutes.

Damn, it is a bit bigger than i thought. Well time for me to cry in the corner for ten minutes.

Then I see it and I begin to urinate allover my britches. I run and hide in the tower while my zombies and the local guards men kill it. I sigh when I hear it thud to the ground in defeat and the guardsmen start cheering. I tentatively walk over to it and it starts to dissolve before me and I think I eat it soul. (Tastes like…. Lemon… Pork… and Sorrow. Delicious!) The high I feel from eating what ever that was is intense. I see visions of far away places and times long past and yet to come. Then as suddenly as it came on it stops and I come crashing back to reality. (I must have MORE!) I begin to scream incoherently until I say a word and knock some guardsman back with a wave of energy. I feel drained after it happens but my strength begins to return slowly from it. One of the pink skins begins rambling to me and I tune him out, I need more dragon soul and I need it now! I start running to the palace to ask Farham if he knows where any more dragons might be! I need more, much more. I must find more dragons! I must!

Mmm, you can taste that immortal flavor in it.

Mmm, you can taste that immortal flavor in it.

I reach the palace in no time, and being searching for Farham. He is nowhere to be found, I begin to frenzy a bit before I am able to calm down enough to threaten a guard for his whereabouts. I find out he has gone to bed so I bust into his room and demand he tell me where to find more dragons. He says he doesn’t know but many will come. I hiss in rage and storm out of his chamber, I cool off for a bit and remember I have another reward to collect and go to the Jarl. He names me Payne or Thane or something, I don’t know nor do I care right now. He gives me some gold which is nice but not what I really want. I go to leave when some human stops me and starts talking at me. I slap it in the face and tell it to leave me alone it says “Yes my Thane, as you wish” and bows out of the palace.

Sorry again for the lack of screen shots so here is Froze preaching to Whiterun of the dangers of Magically Transmitted Diseases.

Sorry again for the lack of screen shots so here is Froze preaching to Whiterun of the dangers of Magically Transmitted Diseases.

I go to the Inn to finish cooling off and remember I have a goal already, I have to get to Windhelm to help some kid kill someone and get paid for it. It is enough to get my mind focused on something other than eating dragon souls for a while. I decide to rest for the rest of the night and head out early in the morning for Windhelm, again.

Froze-His-Heart: One Argonian Necromage vs Skyrim: The Worst Laid Plans

Day 2.5

I travel west from the cabin and make for a village I hear is called Riverwood, its a small place from what I have heard but it should make for a good place to stay the night over before I move on. Sadly I become detoured and end up somehow offending some chaps in fur clothing again, I try to explain to them as calmly as possible “I swear the red angry glow hitting you in the face was an accident, I was aiming for your friend not you ma’am. Now please lower your wea…”

She beings swinging wildly trying her damnedest to break my neck and she has back up. I run without Ralf to save me I’m and like a slaughterfish on a rock in the noon sun of Argonia (a.k.a useless). I run and try to keep her off of me when she suddenly gives up and I think I have won. Well I am oh so wrong, a burly Orc comes charging at me from a hill side and I try to fend him off unsuccessfully, so I run again. I can see river wood in the distance and drop down a short ledge. The Orc veers off to avoid the minor fall and I think I can outpace him when I here from behind me “I can’t wait to count out your coin”

ScreenShot62

Sir, calm down and eat some ice. Trust me, I’m a Necromage.

(Oh shit) I run and stop when the Orc cuts me off. I decide its do or die and I have no intentions of dying today. I hit the Orc with every bit of Frosty Mist I have and he drops. I turn around completely drained of Magicka and see the new bandit, a Redguard chasing me down. (Really? I flee Hammerfell to escape them and they still harass me here?) I run a bit and spin around spraying the bastard with Frost, he lands a few good blows and I come dangerously close to death, then I feel it. A deep power wells within me and I suddenly feel better, better than before I was hurt better, beyond that I feel more competent with my necromancy all of the sudden. It is the queerest feeling and I will dwell on it later perhaps, but for now I have a Redguard to kill. He doesn’t fare well when I regain my power so suddenly. He drops like a feather (Or is it a rock? Bah who cares? I won!) After a short victory dance I charge up a Meatbag spell and smack it on the Redguard. I dub him Sir. Twinklepants the Nineteenth and carry on my way to Riverwood in peace and almost (other than his moaning) silence.

Just before we enter Riverwood Sir Twinklepants goes bolting off moaning about killing and I assume he just wants frolic in the fields or something that zombies do in their spare time. I wander into the local trader and sell off all my loot from the trip here and see if he has anything worth purchasing, he doesn’t. I have learned a lesson here though, small villages blow for necromancers. I leave the trader and head to the local inn, I tell the ogre-faced gentleman working the bar I will be using his alchemy and he tells he a recipe for a healing potion, I thank him by not Frost Blasting his face when he goes to bed and purchasing some food and drinks for my next leg of the trip to Windhelm.

I expected A lot less... shit in the road

I expected A lot less… shit in the road

I find an odd job, I mean literally odd that I was drug into it but hey he was paying and it made someone cry, possibly even two someones. So I take a fake letter for some pink skin to one of the tan skins to tell her it was from a short long ear. She cries, score one for Froze-His-Heart! I return to tell the pink skin I made her cry and he rewards me with twenty five Septims. Score two for Froze-His-Heart! I wait around for a few hours for Sir. Twinklepants to return but he never does. So I go and stand in the rain and be all sad like its a stage show from the actor Jonus Cusacius. During that time it suddenly dawns on me that I am colder than the Night Mothers lifeless corpse and at the same time I suddenly feel more magical and I feel as though my Frosty Magic is better, it is such a queer feeling as so that I can not put it into proper words. So to make my self feel better I intend to kill someone tonight while the town sleeps. That always takes the edge off of me.

Just like a zombie to make a hard working man like me wait.

Just like a zombie to make a hard working man like me wait.

Helugly! Sir... I need some healing potions for my eyes. Thank you!

Helugly! Sir… I need some healing potions for my eyes. Thank you!

Day 3

Sneaking, Sneaking, Sneezing, Sneaking!

Sneaking, Sneaking, Sneezing, Sneaking!

I arise at 4 AM, all is quite except for a few barbarians still drinking in the Inn. I leave the building and sneak over to the house of the pink skin I helped with the petty problem earlier. I unlock the door and pull forth the Frozen Mist from both of my hands and blast an old hag sleeping in her bed. No one saw it, it was a perfect kill. Now I feel better and I have a nice fresh corpse to make a new ambulatory corpse follower. I get the hag to its feet and decide her name is now Hag.

Perfect, now they will never know it was me!

Perfect, now they will never know it was me!

We step out side and she just moans on and on the whole way to Whiterun, (At least I think it is Whiterun, it might have been Nightone or Bitedone, who can understand these pink skins?) Hag and I keep on trudging, other than the Elk I gave free Frost Enemas to it was a very uneventful trip to Whiterun. I get to the walkway right as a storm hits, right before I can get to the gate though one of the guards stops me and tells me I can’t go in because there are dragons about. To which I replied “No shit pink skin, you are looking at one right now”.

Ah, Whiterun the city that never sleeps. Until 8 P.M. When everyone goes to sleep!

Ah, Whiterun the city that never sleeps. Until 8 P.M. When everyone goes to sleep!

He is not amused, so I drop 85 Septims in his hand and he lets me in. (Dragons about, pfft what kind of nonsense is that). I quickly head to the Inn to get a bit of food and warm my cold blood. I spend an hour playing a dice game to pass the time, I came out ahead so I let the short long ear live, for now. Once eight of the thing I have come to know is called a clock came around I stepped out into the rain and shuffled to the Apothecary. I need some Spider Venom so I can make more bags and I ran out making my awesome Bandolier-o-Vials! After checking with the local Alchemist and with the general trader and coming up with nothing I decide to head up to the Jarl’s palace, I hear there is a wizard there who can teach me some new magic. I arrive and am disappointed he charges outrageous rates for his magical books of magicing. I buy one spell that I don’t even understand what it really does because he is a lousy teacher because he just goes on and on about dragons.

I leave the palace and hear some noisy pink skin yelling about that Talos fella Thalmor Justicar (Rest in Tiny Frozen Pieces) was drilling be about. They say curiosity killed the cat, but saved the lizard in Argonia, (We are really racist towards Kahjit. Well they do have all that fur, and they talk funny so I guess it is deserved) I last about twelve seconds of the screaming pink skins rant before I snap. I just lose control completely. The pink skins voice just makes me want to freeze his skin off one limb at a time then drive an icicle down his throat. I unleashed my frozen wrath. The guards apprehend me but the fine is only 40 Septims for killing a preacher here it seems so I just pay it off and walk away.

No no no! This isn't a sign of aggression. It is a sign of friendship in my homeland

No no no! This isn’t a sign of aggression. It is a sign of friendship in my homeland

The rest of the day is uneventful and I hang around the inn for the rest of the evening after my little murder fit. All in all this was a total waste of my time. Though I now have a nice trophy to remember this terrible little city by. A walking meat bag pink skin preacher man!

D'aw! Isn't the disgusting little bastard adorable?

D’aw! Isn’t the disgusting little bastard adorable?

Day 4

I decide to head out around noon, it takes me forever to get past the hangover I have, to much ale not enough Argonian wench. I pack up and pass a little to close to a large “Woman” I think. She challenges me to fisticuffs and i accept knowing I have the advantage here in that I am a lizard and it is a pink skin. I am winning by the second hit and I suppose she became so enraged with me because my superior reptilian reflexes and charming good look and unmatchable that she pulls a sword and begins trying to hack away at me. She broke her own rules and that is not something I am cool with. Sadly I don’t get to kill her. The local bard does it for me, he bashes her in the head with a quick pelvic trust while saying something about no one being able to be with women he has already been with or something along those line. I wasn’t paying attention after she died. I quickly loot her body and place her respectfully in a pile of garbage and baskets to cover her up. I head out now and sadly my newest companion whom I have learned was named . . . (Heimskier? Heimskar? Heim… bah the loud preacher man) collapsed in my room as I slept. I have noticed a pattern with it, my friends always die when I love them. (I love everybody in the world, I love everybody in the world, I love ev….. Damn it all to the Void). So once again I set out alone in this dangerous and hostile land looking for a friend. A cohort. A partner, who won’t talk back, question my authority or disobey any and all suicidal tasks I give to them.

Good enough for Imperial work!

Good enough for Imperial work!

With Heimshisface gone I start searching for a new corpse to become my pal. I spy some guards killing a few Redguard Bandits. I think they were bandits at least. I spy a fresh body in some spiffy armor with a nice sword and pop a quick Meat Mover spell on his ass. He stands up and groans like a Khajit that just licked a Hist tree.

Sadly before I can finish dubbing him General Lord Hector another Redguard but one that was alive comes up and smashes his head in. I run and it throws an ice spike in my back. I quaff half of my healing potions and keep on sprinting. Finally I feel safe and find a nice dead Fox. I pop a Unlifer in him and suddenly I feel the rush of power. It keeps happening at the weirdest times, but I don’t complain because I feel hardier and feel my power over death jump in strength. I spy a wolf and slay it quickly to test my theory. I slap it with Unlife and to my [not] surprise it rises and my Fox stays up. I can have two Ambulatory Meat Monsters now, (I must remember to do the happy dance later, right now its naming time). I dub the Fox Jonathan P. Fendrich and the Wolf Lord Fenrog the Blue. “Now we set off on an epic adventure my cuddly undead animal friends! TO WINDHELM!”

Time to make millions, Eternal Pets. They never age and only require ten pounds of human flesh a day to stay active!

Time to make millions, Eternal Pets. They never age and only require ten pounds of human flesh a day to stay active!

Yet again does my stalwart companion die. (I think I should pick a different career) I am assaulted by a crew a skeletons with an army of bandits in tow and behind them are Windhelm guards and behind them, Stormcloaks (NO! Papa was a Necromage, Mama was a Necromancer, Grandpapa was a Necromage and Great Grandpapa was a slave! I will do right by my family name!) As they charge is raise my Frosty Hands and begin letting the Frozen Mist bathe their frames all the while screaming Hisssst! Over and over and over until I started to cause a blood frenzy. (HIST! HIST! HIST! SKOOMA! MEAD! HISTHISTHIST! I AM THE MOST EVIL! BLOOD, YES BLOOD!) There were no enemies any more, no friends, no allies or minions. All was a target and I let loose. For about six seconds then I remember I am horribly out numbered and alone so I run, far and fast.

(Forgot to take a screenshot so here is me playing the jaunty tune of SsssSt SSt Ssssst! It is a classic Argonian piece!

(Forgot to take a screenshot so here is me playing the jaunty tune of SsssSt SSt Ssssst! It is a classic Argonian piece!

When I stop I can hear no more sounds of battle but instead a familiar accent I recognize/despise all to well. Alik’r! They are relentless, (I killed one high ranking official and then made his body dance for the next official to take his place,so what?) I take the initiative, they are accusing some Redguard woman of being a something or other, I don’t listen to them past that. All three of these sand loving Redguard must die! I blast one with some Frosty Magic until he drops, then I feel a blade bury deep in my scaly back. I spin around bleeding profusely and begin to give that arrogant human his due! I freeze him solid and then some, I shatter him and then turn on the woman. She is a witness to my murder and she is a Redguard so I have no choice in this matter. I frost her to death and head off. I leave all of these bodies laying about. I have a new rule, only under the most dire or comedic of circumstances will I gift a Redguard with Unlife! I begin walking and hit a long winding switchback and sigh. (This is going to take forever! I need wings or something! DAMN YOU AKATOSHK! Or um… Aktokrosh? Ako-god-for-other-people-but-not-me! Sithisdamnit I hate Not Argonian things)

I knew I should have made A left turn at Bruma!

I knew I should have made A left turn at Bruma!

I decide to make camp and lay out a bed roll and sleep through the night. Maybe I’ll get lucky and avoid one of those southern Skyrim storms.

Froze-His-Heart: The Mod List

http://skyrim.nexusmods.com/mods/11397 – Invested Magic

http://skyrim.nexusmods.com/mods/23906 – Run For Your Lives

http://skyrim.nexusmods.com/mods/28428 – Magic Casting Animation

http://skyrim.nexusmods.com/mods/9375 – Playable Instuments (Play and Bash)

http://skyrim.nexusmods.com/mods/21587 – Character Creation Overhaul

http://skyrim.nexusmods.com/mods/23974 – Bury the Dead

http://skyrim.nexusmods.com/mods/11163 – Frostfall (Cold Weather Survival)

http://skyrim.nexusmods.com/mods/27780 – Diseased

http://skyrim.nexusmods.com/mods/10843 – TRO Basic Needs

http://skyrim.nexusmods.com/mods/16394 – Psikotiks Necromancy Mod

http://skyrim.nexusmods.com/mods/18763 – Magic Duel

 

And Various Others,  Those are just the main mods though for this that will and have already come up. Any others that do I will a link in the Post.

Froze-His-Heart: One Necromage vs Skyrim: Fleeing, Necromancing and You

     This is my play through of Skyrim as Froze-His-Heart an amoral Necromage Argonian, There are a few rules to my play through that i will abide by at all times.

  • No using weapons conjured or otherwise, Magic only
  • The Magic must be a Necromancy Spell, A Frost Spell or Fury/Frenzy
  • I am a coward and a murderer, if things get hot I run.
  • No Reloads, 1 life only
  • and finally do nothing good for anyone unless there is a way to turn it around on them

I hope you enjoy the Tale of Froze-His-Heart, Will add a new post every Tuesday unless i get some readers, then it will be Tuesdays and Fridays

Day 1

          Here I am, Froze-His-Heart, Necromage on the run from Hammerfell and the Alik’r. I have taken three steps into Skyrim when what do I see? Oh just a band of Alik’r Warriors fighting Imperial Legionnaires. This is going to be a great trip already I can tell.

ScreenShot46

I was prepared for anything but this

         Thankfully for me the Legionnaires won and the validate my paperwork, all of it (‘Stolen from that sap back in Stros M’kai’ I think) perfectly valid, to them I am Yells-His-Name. They thank me for my patience and send me on my way.

         Only a few minutes later do I realize how tired and extraordinarily hungry I am. I rummage through my bags to discover how few possessions I still have. Three bottles of water one only 1/3rd full, one slice of cooked beef, a head of cabbage, two slices of stale bread and a bottle of wine. Other than that, my awesome and very classy black robe-suit (‘which I took of of some Altmer who started spouting questions about who I worshiped and if I needed to be interrogated about some fellow named Talos or something. Long story short I froze his ass and carried on. Thalmor I think was his name, yeah Thalmor Justicar!’) and my magical knowledge on how to raise basic moaning meat bags, freezing things and causing red glowing to happen that makes people really angry and 46 septims I have not a Sithis be damned thing to my name.

         After I eat I notice a nice fresh corpse, an Imperial Soldier at that! (What luck huh?) I reanimate the poor bastard and decide to name him Ralf. So Ralf and I go trudging along the road it is very uneventful after that skirmish at the boarder. I come upon a pleasant looking little ridge and gaze out upon the foggy landscape and that is when it fades into view, Falkreath. Like a specter rising from that dense mist it appears.

Meet Ralf, his hobbies are Walking, Moaning and Dying at my command

Meet Ralf, his hobbies are Walking, Moaning and Dying at my command

Falkreath, where the streets are paved in Nord bones and the rivers flow with embalming fluid

Falkreath, where the streets are paved in Nord bones and the rivers flow with embalming fluid

        It looks lovely so I saunter down and make my way to the bar, the Dead Mans Drink (‘This place is the pectoral mammary glands that humans and elves have! Or how ever that saying goes’ I think ‘I think I might have to settle down here and start a family, maybe me and Ralf can adopt, sure it’s unconventional what with me being a Reptile and him being Undead but I think he would make a fantastic mother). As I ponder my thoughts about the children we could raise I enter, that is when it happens, my first sign of how backwards and repressed the people of Skyrim are. A woman standing by the door screams as we enter, and the people start yelling things like abomination, monster and other terrible slurs. I am wounded, I know I am a lizard but to call me an abomination? In front of Ralf? I shake my head and walk to the barkeep, she is friendly enough compared to those other assholes so I purchase a room for the night for me and a nice floor space for Ralf to lay on. I buy some more food and restock on water, then I asked is she knew of any rumors. What she spilled to me was perhaps the greatest thing I could have gotten.

         She tells me some little scamp name Aventus wants to contact the Dark Brotherhood, and I have always wanted to be payed for killing people so I decide to check this kid out. Only problem is, he is on the other side of this Sithis-be-damned country. But I have time and this is a new life for me, so I decide to go help the little pink skin out. Me and Ralf hit the hay and rise early the next morning, our first day in Skyrim, en route to help some kid kill someone and get some money, nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan.

Day 2

         I awake good and early to see Ralf as I left him, moaning and standing in the door way. Before I leave the room though I notice the nice people of Flakreath have left me a small bag of gold, on the table and some rather nice bear pelts in a locked crate, I don’t know why they locked it when it was clearly for me but I jiggle the bastard open and swipe it all (‘How kind’ I think ‘Don’t mind if I do’). I decide to pawn of some of the fresh loot from the inn to fund my trek across this cold and harsh land.

         I decide to return to the the inn after selling my loot from the inn and previous encounters in Hammerfell that left some nice Bandsicles lying about the roads. Once there I spy an Alchemist lab in the corner and as it just so happens, I am an Alchemist extraordinaire! Ok not really I just mashed some bits and bobs together and ruined a bunch of flowers and mushrooms, but I did get a nice Potion of Not Being So Cold. I decide to hold on to the potion and head out to make a nice little bandolier for it and other assorted alchemical things, and start my trek to Windhelm with Ralf in tow!

Pretty snazzy huh?

Pretty snazzy huh?

         We walk out of the north gate of Falkreath and make it nearly five minutes before an arrow goes whizzing by my head and I notice two chaps in rather gaudy looking blue armor glaring at some chaps in nice fur coats, the ones in the fur shot the arrow at me. Therefore they must die. (‘They really need to step up security in Falkreath’ I think ‘This close to town and these fellows and set up a rather intricate roadblock and trap system. Must be immigrant workers from Argonia that made it’)

         As the blue clad pink skins walked in circles and glared at the fur clad chaps I pulled up the red glow of anger and shot it at one of the who I assume to be brigands on the nice rockfall trap. She freaks out like a Nord who has had is sweetroll taken away and shots her buddy in the head. Then she starts shooting at me again. All the while Ralf won’t shut up about him self constantly saying “Must…Kill” and “You… Must… Die”.

         “I hear you there Ralf, just sit back and let the big boys deal with this” I say.

         As I utter those words I pull upon the primal cold of the grave and unleash it upon the last brigand. She freezes and falls back off of the tower exploding in a shower of icy bits. After the fight I approach the blue clad wanderers and they start going on and on and on about this Ulfric Stormcloak guy and his fight to free Skyri…. zzzzz. “Huh? Wha? Sorry I fell asleep, All I caught was Windhelm there at the end, so I’ll look him up seeing as im on my way there to help some kid kill someone. . . . Shit, now I have to kill you. Sorry, it’s nothing personal just buisness. Though that won’t stop me from enjoying it!”

         I blast the first one with the Red Glow of Anger! Then hit the other with some Frosty Mist, they drop like good habits (‘Or is it bad? I can never remember those Human or Elven or Kahjit sayings’) As I think this a small army of loud sweaty men in tacky blue clothes come charging out of some bushes screaming about how Skyrim belongs to the Nords and that I was going to die. So I run like a little bitch, (‘no reason to die if I don’t have to right?’) “Good luck Ralf!” I yell as I run away leaving poor Ralf to his fate. (‘You will be missed my beloved Ralf’) After a few minutes I spy a nice little lodge in the woods, The door is locked sadly and I only have three lock picks left. I break the first one I hate, two left and I think I can hear them gaining on me. I calm down and take my time, just like mama and papa showed me to do. Easy it open, treat it good, like a clutch of eggs in the nest. I hear the click of acceptance and slip in.

         Once inside I notice a small bit of paper on the wall near the door being held up by a dagger right in the middle of the page, (‘not a great place to put the pin but what ever goats your throat’) I read the bit of paper hastily and it is a warning to not break in and steal anything in the building. (‘Well seeing as this fellow put it on the wrong side of the wall, I think I am entitled to steal what ever…’). I hear a muffled voice coming from under the floorboards, it is gruff, rough and sounds slightly drunk. I am pretty sure that guy needs a hug. Unfortunately for him, I am not big on hugs. I creep down the stairs hoping it is just me and him, it is. I sit and listen to him ramble to him self for a few minutes, (‘He is very clearly insane, it would only be fair to him if I killed him. Put him out of his misery, right?’) After that thought I slip back upstairs and exit the building and place a new note on the outside wall the reads

ScreenShot52

Oh well i’ll just leave you to your thoughts then, cya.

Dear sir or Madame,

         I Sir Admiral Geoffrey Octavian Skall, Here by invite you in to share in the wealth I have amassed over the years. All I ask is that you give me a single hug and a pat on the back.

Sincerely Yours, Geoffrey Octavian Skall

         With that I set off, pondering the processes that could lead to the insanity of the man in the building and regretting loosing Ralf so early, our relationship had only just begun and he was gone forever, slaughtered by sweaty men in tacky blue shirts.

Thank you for reading, if you are interested i have other tales in Skyrim happening at the same time as this. Currently only Marglok Gro-Wyrklaat and his cult of Trinimac is up but more are coming soon. http://itshardouthereforacheif.wordpress.com/